Dancing Diva!

Emma's 2012 dance recital was last week.  She had so much fun!  We love dancing and it's great to see her enjoy performing so much.

I promise I don't tell her to pose like this.  She's just a natural at finding very creative, random poses.

Little brother couldn't help wonder what all the fun of being in the spotlight is about.  I think he figured it out!

Beautiful ballerina.  She danced to "Friend Like Me" from Alladin.  The genie pants are a fun change from a tutu.

So gorgeous, and so stinking happy all the time!!

And yes, daddy pulled through again with flowers.  Somehow.  (He was in Missoula for three days and came home 30 minutes before the show.  He may have had a little help.  But the thought counts.)

Dear Amber

Dear Amber,

I have seen the last couple of comments you have left me, so I'm sending this out there to try to get in touch with you.  My old computer crashed, and I can't remember your blog address.  I also don't know your e-mail any more.  So can you email me and send me you address again?  I really would love to see how those babies are doing and hear how you have been.

With love,
mran

Happy Easter!

How about a little Easter cuteness?!! My darling little munchkins had a wonderful Easter.

The Madness of March

We've been doing lots of crazy things this spring. Not the least of which is my surgery. This is what my incision looked like when I got home from the hospital. The staples were awful! Out of respect for my own privacy, you can't see the bottom of it because it went so low.

This is the incision one week after the surgery. Looks pretty good, I'm told. But it hurt like nothing else! After about six weeks, though, I'm feeling much better. Almost as good as new, and certainly much better than the weeks leading up to it.

Besides having surgery, we got to do some other fun things. Seth got moved to his toddler bed since I couldn't lift him after the surgery. Seems like Dan might have liked it better than him! (I swear, we don't make Seth sleep on a crib mattress with no sheet - they both just climbed in for fun).

Seth also got a scooter a few weeks ago, and spends every free minute on it. He's getting pretty good at it!

Kellen Saves the Day!!! and Easter Thought

About five years ago, Dan and I went to float the river at Lava Hot Springs with my mom and dad, and my little brother. My little brother was only 17 at the time, but he had already grown to his adult height, making him a full foot taller than me.

For some reason, the river was high that day and the water was flowing fast. We rented tubes and went over and put them in the water. At first, the ride was really exhilarating. We were floating quickly, bumping and turning. It was really lots of fun!

Until we got to a wider, more shallow spot in the river where the rapids were more pronounced and much stronger. I came around a bend very quick, and toppled over. The water was only about a foot and a half deep, but as I was caught in the current, bouncing around on the rocky river bottom, I could not get my feet under me. The one or two times I managed to get upright, the current took me right back down again. At this point, I was starting to cry, and panic was setting in. Dan had been ahead of me, so he was already quite a ways down the river, and I didn't think I was going to be able to get out.

But then, a strong hand grabbed me and pulled me out of the water. It was my little brother! Compared to my short legs, one foot of water only came up to the middle of his calf. He walked around in what was impossible for me to withstand like it was a child's wading pool. He picked me up and took me to the side and set me safely down.

I calmed down a bit and he and I started to walk down to the end of the river where we knew our family would be waiting. But, as I tried to walk on the grass with bare feet, I found that it was covered with spiky burrs. It was so painful to try to walk - it wasn't going to kill me, but I wasn't sure I could make it all the way to the end.

Again, my little brother was able to save me. He happened to have worn water shoes that day, so was walking with no problem. He picked me up and threw me on his back and quickly got us both to our destination.

We love to joke about the time that I almost drowned in a foot of water, but I think that this story has some great parallels to our lives, especially now around Easter time.

Sometimes, life is like floating in Lava Hot Springs River. Sometimes, we face things that we can't possible overcome by ourselves, including the most certain part of life: death. Our Big Brother, our Savior, is the only one with legs strong enough, a spirit brave enough, and a life perfect enough to rescue us from that condition. Because of Him, we will live again - and as families in the presence of our Heavenly Father because of the Atonement He suffered.

Sometimes, we face terribly painful events in our lives, that may not kill us, but that feel impossible to endure alone. Again, our Big Brother, like my little brother at the river, is the only one who is equipped to help us through those times. Only He, our Savior, has suffered the pains and trials that we will go through, and can send comfort and hope in our darkest times.

He is our Savior, and I know He lives!

" My God hath been my support; he hath led me through mine afflictions in the wilderness; and he hath preserved me upon the waters of the great deep. He hath filled me with his LOVE, even unto the consuming of my flesh. (2 Nephi 4:20)

Simple Truths

I am a very thankful woman right now.

Two months ago, I came down with what I thought was the stomach flu. I was sick for a few days, and actually passed out once while using the bathroom. My lower abdomen remained tender for the next few weeks, and I continued feeling bloated and sick. But, I started taking lots of fiber, and felt like I got better.

But, again, about a month ago, I had another episode of this same "sickness." I made a doctor's appointment at this point, and started trying to manage the pain. After about a week of tiredness, abdominal pain, and upset stomach, I decided to take a pregnancy test. I knew it was a long shot, but a tubal pregnancy would explain what I was feeling. The test came back positive! We were pregnant.

I started trying to convince myself that the reason I was feeling so crappy was because of the pregnancy. And I got really excited when I couldn't do up my pants, because I thought it meant I was quite far along.

Last Tuesday, I started bleeding heavily, and the amount of pain I was in increased dramatically. I spent the day in the ER. The nurses and doctor that took care of me were wonderful. However, we received a huge shock. The pregnancy was confirmed, as well as the impending miscarriage, but they also found a 5-6 inch mass in my pelvic area. I was only about 6 weeks along in the pregnancy, but because the mass was so large it was obviously why I was feeling so pregnant and in pain. The doctor in the ER couldn't tell us what the mass looked like, but I had an appointment with the OB the next day.

We spent that night worrying about what was happening. We had to come to terms that we were losing this pregnancy. A pregnancy that was a total shock and surprise, that took some time to come to terms with, but that we were thrilled about. Having a baby would have been a blessing, however unexpected and unplanned.

But, added to that, we had no idea what was ahead of us as far as the mass growing in my pelvis. After watching Dan's dad die last year from cancer, the worst was obviously on our mind. I spent the night worrying that I might have to say goodbye to my children. I was absolutely out of my mind trying to deal with it. I could not stop hugging and loving them and my amazing husband.

Luckily, I didn't have to wait long to meet with the Dr. I went to what was supposed to be my first prenatal appointment the following day. He started by reassuring us that the mass was likely not cancerous and that it was not dangerous, just painful. He said that we could take care of it easily, but that I would need surgery. He then confirmed the miscarriage with an ultrasound.

So, from here, I'm just waiting to see when I will be having surgery so that I can finally be comfortable and out of pain (and not feel pregnant anymore). The surgery will be simple and safe. Because of the size of the mass, it will be a rather large incision and I will be in the hospital for a day or two. The Dr. says I will feel significantly better very quickly.

We are also dealing very with the miscarriage. We are sad and we've shed tears, but we are at peace with the way things are. We know that our family is perfect however it is. We have learned by long experience to trust that we can be happy no matter what.

We have been reassured that these two incidents are not related. It just so happened that I lost my only pregnancy in 7 years right when this whole growth thing came to a head. Maybe it's a coincidence, maybe it was the only way I was going to realize I needed help, but either way, they aren't related in any way.

Sometimes we just need a life-changing event to remind us how lucky we are to have what we have. Life is good, and I'm beyond blessed. I've got the best children in the world - two little angels whom I get to teach and love. Plus, the very best husband in the world, who has totally stepped up and become the best caretaker ever these past few days (not to mention the past few months that I've been feeling so yucky and he's been slowly taking over more and more for me).

The most important thing I have in my life that has been reinforced through this whole experience is that I know what is truly important. Last Sunday, just two days before this whole ordeal began, Emma bore her testimony for the first time. She stood up, so brave and tall, and told everyone that she knows that she will see her grandpa again, because our family will be together forever (it's called the "blesrection"). It's these simple truths that become so clear and powerful. And I'm thankful to have that.

Can You Get Enough?

A fun part of the holidays is always the music and performances involved. Little Emma is getting big enough that some of those performances are now hers. She has been participating in a little children's choir this year, and the did a Christmas program the week before Christmas.

I tried to find my favorite picture, but just couldn't. The munchkin would stand up and pose all day long if she could. Enjoy the madness!!!!